Princess Ham
by StanXFloraFreak
Summary: It's Princess Bride, Hamtaro style! Hamtaro X Bijou.
1. Chapter 1

Hamha! Just some notes about the story. Booger is my hamster in real life; she is an albino, well not a pure albino, she is what they call an albino syrian, so I thought she would do a good job as The Albino from Princess Bride. She is pure white with red eyes and grey ears.

Characters:

Hamtaro plays Westaro (A.k.a. Wesley) in the hams dream of Princess Bride.

Bijou plays Sunflower (A.k.a. Buttercup)

Sandy plays Sando Torahamu (A.k.a. Ingo Montoya)

Stan plays Prince Stan (A.k.a. Prince Humperdinck)

Boss plays Bossik (A.k.a. Fessik)

Maxwell plays Maxini (A.k.a. Vizzini)

Elder-Ham as Miracle-Ham (A.k.a. Miracle Max)

Auntie Viv as Miracle-Ham's wife

Howdy as Count Howdy Rugen (A.k.a. Six fingered man or Count Tyrone Rugen)

Booger as The Albino

I think that is everyone…Well now, on to the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Hamtaro or Princess Bride.

Princess Ham

Chapter 1

True Love

It was a sunny morning at the Club House, and Maxwell was reading The Princess Bride to the ham-hams.

"Once upon a time there was a girl named Buttercup, wh-" Maxwell began.

"Buttercup? What kind of name is that? Sunflowers are much better." Oxnard interrupted.

"Fine! Once upon a time there was a girl named Sunflower, who enjoyed riding her dog and tormenting the farm boy, Wesley."

"Wesley? What kind of a n-"

"Don't start that again! Change the names to whatever you want later! Just stop interrupting me."

A long while later, as Maxwell finished the story, they all began to feel tired.

"If only Hamtaro and I could be Butterc-…err...Sunflower and Wesley…." Bijou whispered to herself.

"Why does everyone think Humperdink is such a bad guy?" Said Stan, and he closed his eyelids.

"Hello, my name is Sandy, my brother is a nerd, prepare to die…" Sandy said as she nodded off.

"Something about Miracle Max reminds me of Elder-ham." Said Boss, and he started yawning.

"And," Maxwell yawned. "They lived happily ever….After…"

Soon they were all fast asleep.

In Bijou's dream she found herself as Sunflower. Hamtaro was there too, as Westaro the farm ham. Bijou then had the sudden urge to make his life miserable.

'Farm ham, clean my saddle, I want to see my face shining in it by morning." She said to the orange and white hamster.

Everyday she gave him hard chores.

"As you wish." He would always reply.

It wasn't until one day that she realized that every time he said 'As you wish' that what he really meant was, 'I love you.' It was even more amazing when the day came that she realized that she loved him back.

Now Westaro was too poor for marriage and decided to seek his fortune across seas.

"But what if something happens to you, where I will never see you again?" She asked him before he left.

"This is true love," He said. "I will always return to you."

When Sunflower got word that the boat Westaro was on had been attacked by the Dread Pirate Hamberts, she went into her room and locked the door. For weeks she neither ate or slept.

"I shall never love again." She said to herself.

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Five years later…

"I would like to introduce you to your future queen, whom used to be a commoner like yourselves." Prince Stan announced. "But perhaps you will not find her so common anymore, Princess Sunflower!"

Bij-I mean Sunflower, walked out of the castle. Even though everyone clapped and cheered, but she had a look of displeasure on her face.

The only joy she found was on her afternoon rides. She rode her dog, Brandy, into the deep parts of the forest.

One day she saw three hams standing at the side of the path. One was very tall, and looked as if he was a giant. He was a cream colored ham, with some grayish black spots and a yellow hat. The second one was also tall, but most of his height came from his ears. He had mostly white fur, with brown fur on the top of his head. The third was about the same height as Sunflower. Their coat color was cream, with orange on their head and back, and brown tiger stripes.

"We are but poor lost circus performers-" The second one was cut off.

"And I'm, like, a tightrope walker." The third one said.

"As I was saying, could you tell us were the nearest city is?"

"There isn't a city around here." Sunflower stated. "Not for miles."

"Then there will be no one to hear you scream." The second one told her.

The giant came from behind her and knocked her unconscious.

When Sunflower awoke, she surveyed the area. She soon realized that she was on a ship. She also realized that she was bound and gagged.

"Hello, highness." The second one said, removing the gag from her mouth. "Comfortable?"

"No." She stated.

"Well that is no concern of mine, for soon you will be gone."

"Gone?" The giant said. "Maxini, you never said anything about killing anyone."

"Well of course we're killing her." The one whose name appeared to be Maxini said. "I was hired to start a war, how do you suppose I do that? By serving her tea and cookies, and then dropping her off in the nearest port! Really Bossik, if you have a brain, USE IT!"

"Um…Maxini?" The third one asked.

"Yes, Sando?"

"Are you sure no one is following us?"

"Absolutely positive." He assured. "By the way, why do you ask?"

"Oh just because I think I see a boat."

"Inconceivable!" He shouted as he ran over to Sando. "It's probably just a local fisher ham, out for a pleasure cruse at night, through eel infested waters…Anyway he is no concern of ours, sail on!"

It was awhile before Sando spoke again.

"I think he's gaining on us."

"Inconceivable!" Maxini said. "But no matter, he's too late; we're almost to the 'Cliffs of Oddness Beyond Your Wildest Imagination'!"

When they reached the cliffs, Maxini tied a strap to Bossik. He tied Sunflower, Sando, and himself to the giant. Bossik began climbing up a rope that was hanging down. Sando looked down, and saw a figure dressed in a black get off the ship they had seen following them earlier.

The masked figure began to climb the rope with incredible agility.

"Inconceivable, Bossik, faster!" Maxini said. "He's gaining on us!"

"Well it is a lot easier for him," Bossik said. "He is only carrying himself, while I'm carrying myself and you three."

They finally made it to the top, and Maxini began cutting the rope. Now this was a very large and thick rope, so it was taking awhile to saw through. Finally the rope snapped. They looked down and saw the ham in black clinging to a rock.

"He's still there? Inconceivable!" Maxini shouted. "Sando, stay behind and finish the job."

"Alright, but I must duel him left pawed." Sando told him.

"But you know what a hurry were in!"

"It is the only way I can be satisfied, if I use my right, it will, like, be over to quickly."

"Fine just finish him! You'll have to catch up with us later."

Maxini and Bossik dragged Sunflower away, leaving Sando to duel the masked ham.

"Can you climb any faster?" Sando called down to the masked ham.

"This is not as easy as it looks, you know!" The ham in black called back.

"Well I ought to let you know that I'm only waiting around to kill you."

"That does put a damper on our relationship." The masked ham said. "And if you're in such a hurry you could help by lowering a tree branch or something."

"I have some rope." Sando called. "Is there anyway you would trust me to lower it down to you?"

"Nothing comes to mind." The masked ham grunted as he climbed.

"Can I give you my word as a ham-ham?"

"I've known too many ham-hams in my life."

"I swear on the grave of my father, you will make it to the top alive."

"Throw me the rope."

Sando threw down the rope and the masked ham began to climb up. He made it to the top with incredible speed.

"YOU'RE A GIRL!" The ham in black said when he reached the top.

"You got a problem with that?" Sandy...Uh…Sando said as she pointed her sword at him.

"No, no not at all…" He said gulping and looking at the sword that was aimed at his throat.

Sando drew back her sword, and the ham in black began to draw his.

"No, no, wait until you are ready." She told him as she sheathed her sword.

"Thank you" He said and sheathed his own sword.

"You do not happen to have six fingers on your right paw?" She asked

"Do you start all conversations this way?"

"My father was killed by a six fingered ham" She explained.

The ham showed her his paw, which only had a normal number of fingers.

Sando told him how the six fingered man had killed her father, and she had tried to dual him. "But I was not strong enough," She told him as she pointed to a scar on the side of her face, "But I have trained. Now I must find him, and when I do I will go up to him and say, hello, my name is Sando Torahamu. You, like, killed my father, prepare to die."

The Ham in black just nodded. He then said, "Well, I think my energy is back, I'm ready to dual if you are."

Sando stood up in a fight stance. The Masked Ham drew his sword, and the battle commenced. Sando fought amazingly, with her left paw of course. The ham in Black also fought left pawed.

"You are truly amazing." The Ham told her.

"I ought to be after all this time." Replied Sando, "But you are better than me."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Because I know something you don't know." She said, "I am not, left pawed!" She yelled and threw her sword to her right paw.

She soon began to overtake the masked ham.

"There is something I must tell you." He said as Sando had him pushed very close to the edge of the cliff.

"What is that?" She asked pushing him more towards the edge.

"I'm not left pawed either!"

He quickly switched the sword to the other paw and fought much better than Sando.

"You are amazing! Who are you? I must, like, know."

"Get used to disappointment."

Sando shrugged and fought with all her might. The Masked ham struck her sword with an award winning blow. It flew from her hands. She looked at her fate…Then at her sword which was just barley out of reach.

"I'll go for the sword." She thought and dogged the masked ham's attack.

She jumped off the rock of which they were upon, and grabbed her sword. The masked ham jumped after her. After a while of more fighting, The Masked Ham once again knocked her sword from her paw. Sando dropped onto her knees.

"Please, make it quick." She begged.

"I cannot kill such an amazing swords ma--"

"Girl!"

"Such an amazing swords girl." He said as he took the hilt and knocked her unconscious.

He then took off in the direction the others had gone.

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**Oh gosh, I'm so sorry this took so long! I'm gonna start writing more! **

**All for now,**

**~StanXFloraFreak**


	2. Reunited

**Hi! Told ya I'd update...Eventually...**

**Anyway, I'll now say thanks to my reviewer!**

**To S****upercrazyhtffan: The only part I can think of that I haven't put in was the shrieking eels...But I also haven't read the book. Thank you for reviewing. **

Anyway, DISCLAMER: **I own NOTHING!**

Princess Ham

Chapter 2

Reunited

Over the hillside, stood Maxini, Bossik, and Sunflower. Maxini kept looking behind them, to see if Sando was coming yet. But instead of Sando, they saw the Ham in black.

"Sando didn't kill him? Inconceivable!"

"And you aren't worried about Sando...?" Bossik questioned.

"I'll worry later, I'm busy now! Bossik, you'll have to finish him." Maxini said as he grabbed Sunflower's hand and drug her off.

Bossik was left to do away with the masked ham. He picked up a rock, and was ready to throw it as soon as the ham came around the corner.

As the masked Ham ran around the bend, a large rock was thrown by his head. Luckily, it missed. He quickly drew his sword and stood in a fighting position.

"You know, I missed on purpose." Bossik said as he juggled a large stone back and forth in his paws.

"I wouldn't doubt it..." The Ham In Black said shakily. His guard was up, and he tried to look brave. But as you can imagine, that is quite hard to do when you're about to be killed by a giant with a rock.

"So, how about we just fight man to man? I mean, me myself already being the biggest and strongest, could beat you easily either way. But just throwing a rock at you, that sounds like there would be no fun involved." The giant inquired.

"So, I'll put down my sword, and you put down your boulder, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized hams should?"

The giant nodded, and threw his rock behind him. The Masked Ham sat down his sword, and slowly approached the giant. Bossik came at him, and tried to tackle him to the ground. The masked ham rolled out of the way, and hopped onto the giant's back. He wrapped his arms around the giant's neck, and squeezed, cutting off air. Bossik realized what a predicament he was in, but then he got an idea.

Looking behind himself, he slowly backed into the side of the mountain, and pushed The Masked Ham into it.

Both where loosing strength, because if your lungs where being crushed, wouldn't you come close to blacking out? Well, if not, you are a very strange person...

The Ham in Black knew his only choice was to use all his energy and make Bossik go before he did. He began to put more pressure onto the giants neck, and he noticed that the force that Bossik was applying to press him into the wall, was weakening.

The giant fell to the ground. His eyes shut. The Ham in Black jumped off, and felt Bossik's heartbeat, to make sure he was alive. As he was, The Masked Ham sprinted in the direction Maxini and Sunflower went.

As he slid down a large hill, he saw Maxini, and Sunflower. They were sitting at a large rock, that they had a cloth laid over, and a few sunflower seeds (Some half eaten) lying about it. Maxini had a knife held to the blindfolded B-Sunflower's throat. The Masked Ham stepped towards them.

"If you wish to kill her, than by all means, just keep coming forward!" Maxini gripped the knife tightly, and pushed it closer to the blindfolded girl-ham's neck.

The Masked ham took a step back. "Can't we just work this out?"

"There is nothing to work out! You are trying to kidnap, what I have rightfully stolen."

"Listen, how about we do something funner than just argue about the Princess. Let's have a contest!"

"Of what?"

"A battle of smartness!"

Maxwell would have frowned over that sentence, saying he could have made it sound to fit the epic storyline better. But this was Maxini, so he just went with it.

"And you propose to do this how..?"

"Pour the Kool-Aid!" The Masked Ham announced. He took out a small vile of powder, and handed it to Maxini.

Maxini carefully examined it, and then handed it back. "What is it...?"

"Sugar. Kool-Aid is no good without it! Now, also take a look at this." He handed him a small, corked bottle. The label read "Caution" and had the symbol of death on it. "This is some kind of poison, made from poisonousness thingys!"

Maxini gave him a strange look. "So, you plan to accomplish what with this...Odd poison...?"

"I'll put it in ONE of the glasses of Kool-Aid, then mix them around without you looking, and you pick which one you want. Then, we both drink."

"I accept your challenge. I shall outsmart you."

The Masked Ham took the glasses of kool-aid, and turned his back to Maxini. After a minute, he turned back, and sat one glass in front of himself, and one to the other side of the table.

Maxini carefully looked over the glasses. He began to mumble.

"Only a fool would drink out of the glass given to him, so I cannot drink out of my own. But you would know I was not a fool, and you would have put the poison in your own glass. But showing your skill in beating my giant, you obviously have trained, and in your training, learned that man is mortal. So you would put the poison as FAR away from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the Kool-Aid in front of you."

"...Wow Maxini...My brain hurts..."

Maxwe—Maxini stated some random fact about Kool-Aid, and then got back to his long spiel. After the Masked Ham had dozed off a few times, Maxini finally paused.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?" He yelled and pointed. It startled the Masked Ham, and he looked behind himself with a jolt.

During this time, Maxini quickly switched the glass nearer to him with the other.

He turned back. "I saw nothing..."

"Really? I could have sworn...Oh well, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from your's."

They both gripped their glasses, and took a drink simultaneously.

"You have chosen wrong." He stated calmly.

"You only think that!" Maxini laughed. "I switched glasses while your back was turned!" He continued to laugh.

The masked ham just sat there and smiled.

"AHAHAHAHA-" Where the last words that came out of Maxini's mouth before falling over, dead.

The masked ham arose and walked over to the bound Sunflower. He took the blindfold off and started into her eyes.

"So...The poison was in your cup.." She mumbled quietly

"Wrong. Actually, it was in both cups. I have an immunity to this weird poison. It seems not many do though."

With that, he made Sunflower get up off the rock she had been placed on, and led her off.


End file.
